Going under the knife

Waiting to go in for surgery.

Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy and D&C complete.  It amazes me how one minute I can be lying on an operating table, fully alert, waiting for my surgeon, and the next minute I find myself waking up in recovery.  Unfortunately for Scout, it was a much longer day.  We left home at 11am, arrived at 12.30pm, surgery was delayed till 2pm, came out at 3pm and then spent 4 hours in recovery before leaving at 7pm and getting home by 8.45pm.  My recovery was slow.  I had alot of pain and difficulty breathing when I first came out of theatre but thankfully some ventilin and pain killers had me settled within half an hour.  But it took me ages to wake up properly, mostly because of the pain medication.  Scout was wonderful, sitting with me, reassuring me, renewing our parking ticket every two hours, getting my script filled, sorting out child care for the girls.  I am so lucky to have such a wonderful wife :). Dr P came in to see us at some point just to see how i was and let us know how it all went.  Amazingly I still remember most of this conversation despite being half out of it.  The outcome ... 1.  The catheter issue is apparently the result of a bent cervix with a ? laid back uterus.  2.  I had endometriosis at the top of my uterus which I'm assuming she removed.  3.  One of my tubes is partially blocked reducing my ability to conceive and increasing my risk of an ectopic pregnancy.  Hmmm.  So she said we can still try IUI but I'll need a local anesthetic for the procedure.  If that doesn't work then we have to go IVF.  Anyway we have the post op review next week on the 6th so I guess she'll go into more detail then.  In the meantime I've got a certificate to stay off work till the 7th which is good because I can't see myself feeling up for doing much anytime soon.  I pretty much spent all of today in bed just getting up to go to the toilet or to get something to eat or drink.  Scout has been doing everything - looking after both me and the girls.  I'm pretty uncomfortable moving around in and out of bed with pain at the incision sites, a bit of cramping and gas pain in my chest that hit me pretty hard and fast at about 4am this morning.  I feel tired and alittle low about the growing list if things that we have weighed up against us already before even starting to try and make a baby.  But at least we know what we're working with now.   And knowing that, I can't imagine ever considering trying to get pregnant from home inseminations.  Thank goodness we didn't waste our time or money trying to do that.  So we'll just see how things go over the next few days.  Hopefully I'll be up and about a bit more tomorrow :)

Surgery delay

So I was all geared up to go in for my surgery this week.  I had a phone call last Friday from Dr Ps receptionist booking me in for a pre-op appointment on the Monday, but then out of the blue I woke up with tonsillitis the very next day.  This is not something I get very often and no one else around me has had it so it was a little unexpected.  By the time I got in to see a GP I had full blown golf balls at the back of my mouth and the antibiotics she prescribed did nothing, so by Monday morning when I went in for the appointment with Dr P it was clear that I would not be fit for the operation on Thursday :(  When I first told her about my tonsils, she started to question if we still do the surgery at all which kind of surprised me as she'd been all for it right from the start but now she was wondering if we should just give the insemination a try and just see what would happen.  I was not convinced.  I've read enough blogs now to know it's best to sort all of this stuff out before you start.  And the fact that we only get two shots at IUI with donor sperm means I wanna make sure we address anything we can that might effect our chances before hand.  Anyway, she did a quick internal to see just how closed my cervix is and to see if she could get a catheter in there but of course she had no luck.  So it was agreed that the surgery had to happen - A:  To up my cervix a bit so she can get a catheter in and B: To check my tubes aren't blocked.

I was disappointed about the delay, partially because I was looking forward to some time off work :) but mostly because I just want to know once and for all if my insides appear capable of letting me conceive and carry a baby or not.   Fortunately the doctor was able to rescheduled my surgery for this coming Monday, so fingers crossed there won't be any further delays :)  So I am now officially on leave for the next week to have and recover from the surgery.  I hope it all goes ok and my tonsils don't create any further issues.  I'm not sick anymore and they've gone down quite a bit so I don't imagine there should be any issues.  Unfortunately even once I have the surgery, I still won't know what the results are until the following week when I go in for my post op review.  It will be a bit of a waiting game.  But if all goes well - I'm hoping we can have our first IUI in April :)  Can't wait!

Gigantor

We finally have a donor!   Scout texted me on Friday to say that a big thick envelope had arrived which she thought might be the profiles :)  She didn’t want to open it on her own, so we waited till I was home and we had some time to ourselves to rip it open and have a look.  They sent us 4 profiles to choose from.  The first one we read was the least impressive of the lot.  Under music he liked as a kid he put “Meatballs” lol.  We both killed ourselves laughing.  I'm guessing he meant “Meatloaf”, but that was pretty much enough for us to put him in the “no” pile.  To add to that, he was also about 10 years older than me, had a pretty boring profile and had some health issues we’d rather not risk.    The second to hit the “no” pile was not much better – also much older with an average profile (Scout said he sounded like a nerd) and a few health issues.  Fortunately out of the 4, these were the only two we didn’t like.  The remaining two had much more detailed profiles and were only slightly older than myself.  One was a Canadian immigrant and the other was legal officer in the army.  The first time we read the Canadians’ profile, we both loved it.  He’s smart, fit, has no health issues and he wrote the nicest letter to the “donor conceived child”.  Interestingly enough he is also gay and apparently both he and his partner have become donors.  The Army guys’ profile was also very good but it had a slightly negative undertone in a few parts that made us a little unsure.  It was only small things he said but they were enough to leave us questioning a few things.  He was also single and had some minor health issues. 

Scout’s immediate preference was for the Canadian guy.  And I liked that profile too, but a few superficial things had me tossing up between the two of them.  The Canadian is tall ... I mean 6’6” stand-out-of-the-crowd tall!  He also has brown hair and a history of acne as a kid.  The army guy was also tall but a good height – more like 5’9”.  Plus he had blonde hair and blue eyes like Scout and the girls.  Based on the profile as a whole, my gut feeling was to go with the Canadian, but my logic wanted features that might blend better into our existing family.  In the end we went with the Canadian but we also both had our own mini freak out after making the decision as to whether or not it was the right one.  Scout started to wonder if it was fair to load the kid up with two gay mums and a gay donor.  I didn’t really think this was an issue and if anything could only see benefits, but the “gigantor” factor had me a little concerned and the acne history was also something I had really hoped to avoid.  I had bad acne as a kid and it really scarred me not just physically but emotionally.  But we stuck with our initial decision in the end and I think we are both happy with this now.  I think what made it difficult was how limited the choice was and how quickly we needed to decide.  Basically we had to call the clinic within 24 hours of getting the profiles to make the selection and since Scout was working the next day we really only had one night to discuss it.  Once you decide it’s locked in, so to change our donor would cost us another $950 rematch fee which we really don’t want to have to pay – especially if they gave us worse options than we started with!   And the profiles are really limited – there’s no photos and hardly any details about what they look like, so it was a bit of pressure but we got there in the end.  I find it amazing reading all these American blogs where lesbians can pick and choose from loads of donors at a range of different sperm banks, and here we are with only 4 options.  I guess it’s better than none which is what we had before we started this process.  And at the end of the day, the child we have will always be the right one, so I guess which donor we choose really doesn’t matter.   

Anyway this morning I got a phone call from the donor nurse to confirm which donor we selected.  When we got the package there was a form it in that needed to be signed if the donor had any health issues – basically to say that we understood the risks associated with using that particular sperm.   I figured since our donor had a clean bill of health we wouldn’t need to sign it but the nurse said we do ... because he’s a 'homosexual'.  I have to say I was a little taken back by this.  It’s not like the donor and sperm isn’t checked and tested.  They quarantine the stuff for 6 months to ensure there isn’t anything wrong with it.  So why would I have to sign this form just because the donor is homosexual?  If we went with the army guy would they want us to sign a form to say we understand that he’s heterosexual?  I told Scout and she was pretty unimpressed.  She asked if the donor needs to sign a form that says it’s ok for us to use their sperm since we’re lesbians lol.  It’s not like the profile didn’t plainly state that the donor was gay.  It was spelt out in 3 different places!  So our donor has been put on hold for us but we have to sign this form and have our specialist witness and sign off with her ok before we can use him.  Just another bit of red tape to get through along with all the rest.  It's a good thing we aren't in any rush and I'm still waiting for the laparoscopy, cos this process is starting to feel pretty drawn out.  It’s been two months since we had our first appointment and we’re still nowhere near starting!  I need to find some patience cos we still have another month ahead of us before we can, and even once we do this could still be a very long journey.  Hopefully Gigantor's sperm is up to the task!

The clock is ticking ...

Our specialist appointment was good.  Good in that things are now moving again in terms of getting my insides checked and sorted so we can move ahead with this baby making process.  But the results of my AMH test were somewhat depressing.  Dr P said it came back a bit low.  Exactly how low ... 3.5 ... which is way lower than I had ever contemplated it being.  I was hoping for something like 12 or even 10.  To be honest, even 7 or 6  would probably have been ok ... but 3.5! It was a rude awakening to the fact that I am actually getting old and that my baby making days are numbered.  So now I'm half wishing I'd gotten my act together and started this whole journey earlier but we just weren't in any position to even consider it till now.  I know I’m 37 and they say it’s more difficult after 35 but I guess since I still look pretty young and feel pretty young on the outside I thought my insides would be the same.  Apparently not.  I know I should be happy that it’s not 1 or 0.  But it’s still got me feeling pretty depressed. She basically said that with those kinds of numbers it starts to get close to the point where we may have to consider IVF.  We really can't afford IVF if we don't have a diagnosis of infertility because it's like $8000!  Fortunately after a bit of discussion she said she is still happy to support us with giving insemination a go first.   She said that the ultrasound showed a number of folicles and that that's a good sign regardless of whether the AMH is low.  I think/hope she's thinking the AMH may not be correct as she has asked for me to have the test done again which I am more than happy to do even if it does cost me another $60.  However I guess I had the first test 2 months ago, so maybe she wants to see how rapidly it's going down.  If it's gotten much lower then maybe we will have to bite the bullet and go IVF before I run out of eggs altogether.

We also discussed my rather unpleasant experience with the levovist test.  Dr P said that even though it didn’t work, it still gave us some valuable information – primarily that my cervix is blocked and this needs to be fixed before we can look at insemination.  So she wants to do a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy to look at both the inside and outside of my bits to see if she can find any problems and also try to open up my cervix a bit.  Since we already figured the laparoscopy was the next step, she didn’t need to say much more to convince us.  Scout asked how soon we could inseminate after the surgery and she said it should be ok to go the very next cycle but the surgery might throw my cycle off a bit so we may just have to wait and see.  She went though all the risks etc and gave me some info and then sent me out to her receptionist to book the surgery.  So it will be on 23rd Feb, and apparently I need to take at least 1 week off work to recover.  As soon as I got back to work I cleared my schedule and told my boss who was fine about it.  I also rang my insurance company and the other doctors involved for their costings. It looks like I’ll be up for around $1600 out of pocket which I think is pretty reasonable considering the actual cost is closer to $6000.  Thank goodness I got off my butt and organised private health insurance at the start of last year, cos the waiting period for all this stuff is 12 months.   Without it I would have to go on the public waitlist ... and with an AMH of 3.5 I don’t think I have time for that!  So now I am just waiting for the 23rd to come around.  I’m hoping it will all go ok and there won’t be any major issues ... but I can’t help but feel a little stressed about what will happen if things aren’t as great in there as I’d hoped.

Stalking the postman for profiles

So after getting all excited about finally getting to see a donor list ... we walked away from our counselling session empty handed :(  Turns out they post the profiles out to you in the mail.  And ... apparently we could be waiting up to 3 weeks to get them!  Very disappointed to say the least.  Scout said she pretty much switched off after she found out we weren't going to get the profiles.  It turns out that we were just there to sign the legal paperwork associated with using a donor and that was about it.  Our counsellor still had our names confused.  Scout suggested we get t-shirts with our names on them LOL.  I guess we shouldn't bag the cousellor, since it's all just part of the mandatory process, but we walked away from there feeling pretty let down.  

Anyway - it wasn't all bad as we also had a session with one of the nurses and she was great.  She went through the protocol our specialist usually uses for IUIs including all the drugs, blood tests, ultrasounds and the insemination itself.  She showed us how to use the puregon pen to administer the FSH injections and gave me a little practice with the pen and with another empty suringe which I had a go at jabbing myself with.  It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and even Scout was surprised I didn't seem to have too much trouble with doing it.  Anyway, she gave us a little cooler bag and ice pack to use when we pick up the drugs so we didn't end up leaving empty handed after all :)  

So now we just have to wait to see our specialist on Tuesday to find out our test results, and if I need to have the laparoscopy, when it's likely to be.  I'm actually looking forward to getting it done so that everything is sorted and we can get on with the baby making side of things.  I just hope if there is something wrong in there, it's something that can be easily fixed so we can still do the IUI.  In the meantime, Scout will be stalking our postman every day until our donor list arrives :)  

We also went to the Pride March today at St Kilda and met up with our other friends who are also TCC.  From what they said it sounds like they are in the middle of a new cycle and having another crack at IUI so we are very excited for them and have all our fingers and toes crossed that this one sticks :))

Jaz and Charlie sporting their rainbow colours at Pride :)