Slack

I have been a bad blogger :( But I'm hoping it's a good sign! My brain has been processing a lot of things other than baby making which is good. I was getting so depressed by the whole IVF thing that I really needed a decent break. The small breaks inbetween cycles didn't really cut it. I was still trying to be good with foods and supplements and not drinking alcohol or coffee or anything with artificial sweeteners. I was always wondering if maybe I was pregnant even though I'd gotten a BFN, and was too scared to stop everything 'just in case'. But deciding to take 4 months off has let me finally switch my brain off and stop everything which has been the best thing I could have done. I just feel ... relieved, and more myself again. To be honest... I was that fragile after the last BFN I wouldn't have coped with trying again. I got teary everytime I even thought about it and it's only in the last few weeks that I haven't felt that. It helped a lot that Scout and I could get away for 2 weeks on our own while the girls were away.

Our fishing trip involved a lot fishing but not so much fish lol. We did have one really good afternoon at a little place called Tuross where we had fish literally jumping on the line but everywhere else was fairly average. Out of the whole trip we only kept and ate two flathead. The rest we tossed back. We both just enjoyed having time together, getting out on the boat and visiting new places. As nice as it was, it was good to get home to a real bed though. We only spent one night in a cabin and the rest was spent in a tent or the back of the car so our bodies were crying out for a decent mattress!

Now that the girls are home and I'm back at work it's been a bit of an adjustment getting back into the swing of things. We went away for a long weekend in Howqua with the girls and Scout's parents which was fun (more fishing! and a bit of mini golf ;). Scout and I have also starting trying to lose weight (a personal goal rather than a baby making one). We've both put on a bit of weight over the past 12 mths so we've decided it's time to get serious and do something about it. So far I've lost 6 kilos and Scout has lost 7! We both have at least another 10 to go. I feel pretty confident we can do it ... Especially since I'm not doing IVF again until July. The real challenge will be figuring out how to keep it off when I do start IVF again cos it seriously makes me both fat and depressed.

The only TTC thing I am still doing at this point is keeping up my reflexology sessions which I figure is good for managing work stress. My reflexologist is alittle puzzled as to why I'm still not pregnant and has encouraged me to try another clinic which we have been looking into anyway. I have chosen a new specialist and made an appointment with her for the 13th August. I picked this date as it will be approx a week after the beta for our last planned FET with our current clinic. As negative as it sounds to be expecting a BFN I can't see any reason why this next cycle will be any different from the others. We need to plan for this next step and I am actually looking forward to changing things up a bit - including getting a new donor.

Anyway ... I have heaps of pics I want to post but haven't got my act together yet with uploading them which is another reason I've been delaying his post. I'll try to get them up sometime this weekend. Hope all is well with everyone lose out there ;)