IVF #3 - Stim Scan #2

Sloooooowww growing follies ... Now at 15mm so still a bit more to go yet. Plan is for trigger Saturday night and pick up Monday Morning. Transfer will probably be Wednesday next week. I'm starting to bloat and I'm still crazy tired. My brain is all over the shop. I just boiled some potatoes and put oil in the water ... wtf?! 2 more days till the weekend which can't come soon enough! I've managed to stay fairly indifferent about this cycle for the past 5-6 weeks, but now my brain is starting to drift towards contemplating the outcome. This is dangerous territory and a serious double edged sword. Do I think positive and have my heart crushed again or do I protect my heart with pessimism and potentially send self fulfilling negative vibes out into the universe? I know somewhere in the middle is where my head needs to be ... but seriously, who the hell is capable of that while taking all these hormones and running an IVF gauntlet?! I'll keep my head till pick up ... but once I start the progesterone it's gonna get difficult.

Half a dozen possibilities

In the past, my first stim scan has almost always left me feeling either upset or confused so this morning I went in for my scan fully prepared to be disappointed. Instead it was actually pretty good! 6 follies all on the right and all 12-13mm with maybe another one or two smaller ones which may or may not do anyway. This is the first time I've had 6 all the same size so I'm pretty happy with that and so was my FS. Of course a small part of me was disappointed that my left ovary was pretty much empty but I am very grateful to still have one working ovary at this point. Dr P thinks my low AMH is due to my left ovary having run out of eggs or being too damaged by the endo to function now. I think it's ironic that my right ovary works but my right tube is stuffed and my left ovary is stuffed but my left tube still works! Anyway ... I go back for my second scan on Wednesday and hopefully we should be able to tell after that when the pick up will be :)

Despite the good news with the scan, I have to say this cycle is starting to take it's toll on me. I don't feel too bloated just yet, but the puregon is kicking my arse in every other way. I'm vague, cranky and barely functional at work but the worst part is the fatigue. I am rediculously tired and flat as a tac. I feel like I need toothpicks to keep my eyes open. I've had a few near misses on the road from lack of concentration, and driving into the city at 6am this morning I was actually contemplating pulling over on the freeway for a nap! My tummy is also black and blue which has never happened in previous cycles. The shots just seem a lot more painful for some reason. Anyway ... the joy of IVF! I feel like a train wreck. Another week and I get to squirt progesterone up my twat again! Yay!

My buzzing punani

I have a buzzing punani. Of course it's not actually making a noise (?!) ... but I have a 'buzzing' sensation down there and it's weird! It comes and goes but right now it won't leave me alone. Naturally I've googled it and apparently other people have also experienced this same "buzzing" in all sorts of weird and wonderful places as well, but I'm yet to find a decent explanation as to what's causing it. Apart from my buzzing punani ... the killer synarel headaches have finally kicked in. (Ugh!). And apparently my injecting skills are alittle rusty because they are stinging like a bitch, especially on the right side of my tummy. 450 is a long way to dial and then depress. I think it would be less painful if I did two smaller shots rather than one big one. Anyway, my first stim scan won't be till Monday since I have slow growing follies, so nothing to report till then. The down reg scan was uneventful but I did get a bit annoyed with the nurses after it. I had to see them to get my schedule and I seriously don't think they ever bother reading my clinic history. They seem a little clueless in general whenever I see them. Firstly I told them my FS wanted my first stim scan next Monday but they wouldn't believe me and put me down for one on Friday instead. Annoying. Of course this then had to be changed later to Monday. Then they asked if I knew how to use the pen ... and I'm like ... Ummm ... Yeah this is my 4th stim cycle here using puregon. I think I know what I'm doing with the pen now. I guess they have to ask but it's like they don't know me (after all this time!) and really don't have anything much to say when I go see them. It's just weird. Anyway, we've decided this is the last stim cycle we'll do with this clinic. If we get some frosties we'll stick around for the FET but once we're out of embies we're switching clinics. It'll cost us $$$ to switch but I think that's the next step if we don't get pregnant from this cycles embies. Anyway ... hopefully we do get pregnant and then we can move onto an obstetrician instead!

Here we go again :)

I don't have a lot to report but I thought I should get in a quick post anyway. The last couple of weeks have been busy with Jazz starting school and Scout's business needing a push now that both kids are in school and on a regular routine. Jazz is wrapped to be finally doing alot of the things she's being watching her big sister do all this time, but in the process she's become a bit "cocky" about how good she thinks she is now. Poor Scout had a bad day with her the other day and wound up having a mini melt down. Jazz is just so head strong and demanding at the moment. If she doesn't get her own way and all your attention when she wants it, the tanty of all tanties will suddenly errupt. She's 5 ... but acting like a 3 year old one minute and PMSing teen the next. Heaven help us when she does hit puberty!

I am also in PMS mode at the moment having just finished the pill while still sniffing synarel. I'm feeling tired and cranky and not in the mood for any crap at work. Thankfully things have been ok but the days just seems to be dragging. This weekend I'm suppose to bleed and then the stims begin. My down reg scan is booked for Monday. It's hard to explain how unenthused I am about this next cycle. I've hardly even thought about it. My alarm goes off and I almost unconsciously have my sniff and carry on with whatever I'm doing. The other night I woke at 4am and had a sudden panic that I'd forgotten my 7pm sniff. Part of me thought I'd forgotten to have it and the other half of me thought I did do it but it was done in such an automatic and unconscious manner I don't remember. Who knows ... I'm not going to worry about it but I really need to get my act together and pay a bit more attention to what's going on! Anyway, I'll post again after my first stim scan. Hopefully a good scan will get me back on track.